When my youngest son was little, he was one of those adorable children who got into everything. His energy was boundless and he was absolutely fearless. When he reached kindergarten, we noticed, he seemed to throw more fits than the other children and only liked to wear certain fabrics or cuts in clothing. When he wanted to play volleyball in a pee wee league, although he could serve well, he could not grasp the concept of team or what it meant to be a team player. In cub scouts, he had problems getting along with the other boys. Small things they did would bother him immensely. On the other hand, school assignments like math and grammar came easily to him as long as he wasn’t distracted.
Over the next two years we moved several times to accommodate my husband’s employment, my education and help my mother through breast cancer. My oldest son, now 21, stepped in to help with the younger son. We attributed many of his tantrums and odd behaviors to the fact that we had so much going on in our family lives.
When our youngest son reached second grade, his math scores were off the chart. However, he could not maintain personal relationships with his peers. At school he only wanted to play what he wanted to play. He had great difficulty taking turns and sharing. At recess, sometimes he just wanted to spin in circles or play by himself in his own imaginary world. In class, he was easily interrupted and distracted by noises and smells. When he got upset, he was unable to communicate properly and would have a melt-down. This made him a target for other children. My husband and I started blaming each other’s parenting skills. Our home was in turmoil.
It was at this point – just 2 years ago, that we had our son tested. His teacher thought that he might have ADHD. However, after both a physician’s examination and an intense psychological evaluation (including a family history review), it was determined that he had Asperger’s Syndrome. We started meeting with a counselor almost immediately, and home educating him soon thereafter.
Some of his behaviors include:
· Difficulty following directions that have more than 1 step
· Trouble coping with the emotional & social demands of group work, interactive play or team sports
· Stress when his routine or schedule is interrupted
· He is often inflexible and perfection oriented
· He is very blunt and often shares details that are not appropriate
· Takes statements too literally
· Critical of himself
· Has emotional outbursts
· Experiences sensory intensities that overwhelm him
· Obsesses about an incident or interest
Today, I wouldn’t say we have settled into a routine just yet, or that every day runs smoothly. But I will say that our son is learning, not just academically, but he is learning how to manage social situations, deal with his emotions, and cope with society. For example, he has developed his own method of coping with crowds at the grocery store. Instead of putting his hands over his ears, like he used to. He plays pretend. He is the child you will see hoisting an imaginary sword or talking into an imaginary walkie talkie instructing elite commandos at the grocery store.
He attends an Asperger’s play group, has joined a bowling league and attends therapy on horseback at Storybook Farm. At home we play games that concentrate on recognizing emotions and learning new things. He still has difficulty carrying on a conversation and is disturbed by certain smells, sounds and the feel of certain fabrics. He still has melt downs, just not as many. It takes a daily effort to navigate this journey.
-Patricia
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